out of synch

Some brief background on M from the beginning:. She was born prematurely but not dramatically so, though her birth was fast to the point of madness (19 minute labour) and in spite of no evidence I have never been able to shake the gut feeling that some vital spark failed to connect or was extinguished in that rapid entry, some momentary lack of oxygen etc the possibilities are endless and pointless but in all the years of wondering and searching my mind always returns to that moment when she arrived. She was slow to walk, she never crawled, by three she still couldn’t speak, by four she had a few single words, they tested her hearing, they suggested autism many times, except her clear need and ability to connect to other people threw a curveball that made it very difficult to place her on the spectrum. We got back one report written when she was 4, almost 5 that said she had the cognitive ability of a ten month old. I remember crying at my keyboard while typing an upbeat, joke filled email to a friend about that one, saying oh well what do they really know… I had no idea how right I was. We moved countries so her difficulties in the start of the school were put down to language issues but after a year it became obvious that they ran much deeper than that, it was the beginning of a long, ongoing journey to try and classify M in some medical way. We made the physical and mental transition from the regular school system to the special needs one, we adjusted the whole idea of ‘future’ and watched in wonder many times when she learned to do things that were previously thought beyond her.We had the good fortune of finding a truly special school where she has blossomed and we have found like minded families and teachers, mostly we have had a hell of a lot of fun so don’t let the mention of tears on the keyboard fool you into thinking otherwise. A decade has passed since that devastating report, we have met and spent time with pyschologists, neurologist, psychiatrists, speech therapists, music therapists, wonderful and terrible teachers, social workers, pediatricians, the whole gamut of professionals and in three different countries. We have investigated, tried, flirted with and rejected many alternative therapies, read reams of research, articles, spent far too much time on the internet, the lack of diagnosis for M that would help us unravel the mystery of her mind, is most assuredly not for lack of investigative effort.